We have so much. My closet is full of clothes (then I say there's nothing to wear!) Our cabinets and refrigerator are full of food (there's nothing to eat). And my children claim that there is nothing to do (when their room, heck, our entire house is full with toys that they just had to have.) We have too much.
Then there's Judah. He lived in a place where he had very few items that were actually his. When we met Judah he had a backpack filled with medication, a spoon, and 3 outfits that had his name stitched into them.
The orphanage gave us a memory book with pictures of which I am very grateful. I have a baby picture (he was one) but that is truly unheard of when adopting a little one from another country. There is a picture in the album of Judah in a tub of water. The water was a yellow as yellow can get. Yellow water. The orphanage and much of China do not have access to clean water. I don't know about you, but I am constantly harping on my kids to NOT drink the water in the tub, or put it in their mouths. It's disgusting, but at least it wouldn't make them sick.
Today (post Thanksgiving) continue to say thank you, give away some of your "stuff", and make someone else's day.
I'm so very thankful that my Judah now has too much.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
My Moses
Many moons ago the life of little baby boy was threatened. One mother
decided that in order to save her baby she would need to give him up.
She fashioned a basket to hold the baby. She cried and kissed the child
good-bye as she lay him in the river and walked away perhaps hearing him
cry for her. He would die if he were to stay with her. Would he ever
forgive her? Would he know that this was the only way to let him live?
I have a Moses.
Two and a half years ago a child was left under a tree near a bridge
with a note stating that his mother loved him, but could not take care
of him. The life of this child was threatened due to his medical
condition. Left with her he would die. She longed for another family
to care for her child in ways that she could not. I can only imagine
the fear and sadness that she felt walking away from her baby. Did she
hear him cry? Did she hide to see if anyone found him and came to his
rescue? What would his life be like without her? Would he hate her?
Did she grieve for him?
I have a Moses.
God knew before time that the baby in the basket would be found floating
down that river by an Egyptian princess, grow up in a home, and eventually lead his people.
I have a Moses.
God knew before time that in China a baby boy would be found under a
tree, brought into the care of a princess, a daughter of the King, grow
up in a Christian home, and eventually reach people with God's love (at
least that's my prayer).
I have a Moses.
I know that the Lord has a great plan for Judah, as he does for all of
us. And I am so very excited to see what is in store for this abandoned
child under the care of this daughter of the King.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Humility Revealed
Two weeks in China plus 6 weeks at home equals Adoption Leave over...sigh. This 8th week of leave has been pretty good. The beginning of the week started off a bit rough, but ended on a high note. After being home 6 weeks Judah and Jake have finally started playing together in what seems like friendly play and not taking toys and whining about the other play (don't get me wrong, that still happens, but we are seeing more playful play out of the two). The beginning of this week was very difficult for me as a momma. Having a 4 almost 5 year old, a 3, and a 2 year old has its challenges to say the least, but after consulting with some mommy friends and lots of prayer we have all seemed to have survived until Friday.
Judah health update: We have been told that there are a spectrum of cases dealing with children born with an imperforated anus, but Judah is on the latter end of the spectrum (more complicated). Seeing that he does not have a sacrum nor bladder control with blockage seems to have complicated his upcoming surgical procedures. Fortunately, Children's Hospital here in Columbus has impressed us on a number of occasions and yesterday's conversation with Dr. Groner was no different. Our surgeon went out of his way to contact his mentor and top surgeon in our country, Dr. Levitt in Cincinnati, to discuss Judah's case and ask for his help/advice. Can I just say right now how impressive it is to experience this example of humility on this surgeon's behalf? Amazing! Jason wanted to ask Dr. Groner on the phone "If this was your child.." and he didn't have to! We knew right away that this surgeon was treating our child with the best possible care. Kudos!
Dr. Levitt believes that the "pull through" surgery should probably be performed first instead of the appendicectomy(?) and has been fully briefed on Judah's conditions. Also because he is a licensed surgeon in Ohio the paperwork has already been put in the works for him to be present and assist with Judah's upcoming surgery. During his surgery Dr. Alpert from urology will also have to be present in order to work on the bladder blockage that Judah is experiencing as well as fixing a testicle issue (tmi, I know). Trying to arrange a time for surgery with 3 different surgeons has proven to be quite difficult, but it WILL happen and our Judah will be in the best care. Of this I am certain.
As a mom I never dreamed I'd be involved in something as complicated as this. When I was carrying our older 2 children I prayed and prayed for healthy, cute, fun kids, which the good Lord granted. We prayed so hard for healthy children and then we voluntarily sign up for a child with physical ailments?! How does that make any sense? It doesn't. Call us "crazy", or call us "called". I know...it's both. I know that the Lord has his hand in all of this and I am continually amazed at how each day unfolds. I don't know why Jason and I were the ones the Lord chose to be Judah's parents, but I think as time goes by we will be blessed by this little one more and more and his life will be continue to be a testimony to all of us how faithful God is to each of us. I know that He has a plan for my Judah and I now pray that I can live up to the momma that he deserves. I hope he knows that I'm trying. I love you, Judah.
Judah health update: We have been told that there are a spectrum of cases dealing with children born with an imperforated anus, but Judah is on the latter end of the spectrum (more complicated). Seeing that he does not have a sacrum nor bladder control with blockage seems to have complicated his upcoming surgical procedures. Fortunately, Children's Hospital here in Columbus has impressed us on a number of occasions and yesterday's conversation with Dr. Groner was no different. Our surgeon went out of his way to contact his mentor and top surgeon in our country, Dr. Levitt in Cincinnati, to discuss Judah's case and ask for his help/advice. Can I just say right now how impressive it is to experience this example of humility on this surgeon's behalf? Amazing! Jason wanted to ask Dr. Groner on the phone "If this was your child.." and he didn't have to! We knew right away that this surgeon was treating our child with the best possible care. Kudos!
Dr. Levitt believes that the "pull through" surgery should probably be performed first instead of the appendicectomy(?) and has been fully briefed on Judah's conditions. Also because he is a licensed surgeon in Ohio the paperwork has already been put in the works for him to be present and assist with Judah's upcoming surgery. During his surgery Dr. Alpert from urology will also have to be present in order to work on the bladder blockage that Judah is experiencing as well as fixing a testicle issue (tmi, I know). Trying to arrange a time for surgery with 3 different surgeons has proven to be quite difficult, but it WILL happen and our Judah will be in the best care. Of this I am certain.
As a mom I never dreamed I'd be involved in something as complicated as this. When I was carrying our older 2 children I prayed and prayed for healthy, cute, fun kids, which the good Lord granted. We prayed so hard for healthy children and then we voluntarily sign up for a child with physical ailments?! How does that make any sense? It doesn't. Call us "crazy", or call us "called". I know...it's both. I know that the Lord has his hand in all of this and I am continually amazed at how each day unfolds. I don't know why Jason and I were the ones the Lord chose to be Judah's parents, but I think as time goes by we will be blessed by this little one more and more and his life will be continue to be a testimony to all of us how faithful God is to each of us. I know that He has a plan for my Judah and I now pray that I can live up to the momma that he deserves. I hope he knows that I'm trying. I love you, Judah.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Surgery is Pending
We have learned a few new things about Judah's anatomy since my last post. Yesterday we were at Children's Hospital and Judah had something called a VSUG where a catheter was placed in order to send fluid up into his bladder to see how well his bladder empties and if there is reflux.
Problem #1 The top radiologist in the area could not get the catheter into Judah's bladder because of a blockage. He told me 99% of the time this does not happen.
Problem #2 The doctor was able to fill up Judah's bladder, but there was some reflux and leakage. I believe his words were "Well, this is not normal." When a child has an imperforated anus at birth a lot of times the ureter and the colon are attached and need detached. When the detaching was completed during Judah's surgery it appears as though the scarring on the ureter was extensive and has left a very tiny opening for the urine to be released from his bladder.
After the procedure we visited with the Urologist and he suggested that he and the GI surgeon have a meeting to discuss what to do with Judah. It sounds like he will need to have anesthesia so that both surgeons can take a look at everything in order to have a better idea as to what to actually do with him. And while he's under the urologist will correct the testicle infection problem that he keeps having.
While at the appointment I asked the surgeon if Judah's issues can be "fixed" and if he will be "normal". Judah will always have to go to the restroom differently than the rest of us. He may have to empty himself via tubes, BUT will he be a "normal" growing kid that plays and runs and laughs and loves? Yes! We just need to get him to the point where he is no longer getting infections and is able to relieve himself without pain. The rest of the world won't know that he has "bottom" issues...just regular issues like the rest of us. Well, maybe "regular" is the wrong choice of word....And if you ask him in a few years "How is it going?" you may get a strange answer, but other than that I think he's going to be okay.
Please continue to pray for my little Judah. We still have a long road ahead with surgeries and doctor visits and pain, but eventually everything will get figured out and he'll be golden.
Thanks.
Problem #1 The top radiologist in the area could not get the catheter into Judah's bladder because of a blockage. He told me 99% of the time this does not happen.
Problem #2 The doctor was able to fill up Judah's bladder, but there was some reflux and leakage. I believe his words were "Well, this is not normal." When a child has an imperforated anus at birth a lot of times the ureter and the colon are attached and need detached. When the detaching was completed during Judah's surgery it appears as though the scarring on the ureter was extensive and has left a very tiny opening for the urine to be released from his bladder.
After the procedure we visited with the Urologist and he suggested that he and the GI surgeon have a meeting to discuss what to do with Judah. It sounds like he will need to have anesthesia so that both surgeons can take a look at everything in order to have a better idea as to what to actually do with him. And while he's under the urologist will correct the testicle infection problem that he keeps having.
While at the appointment I asked the surgeon if Judah's issues can be "fixed" and if he will be "normal". Judah will always have to go to the restroom differently than the rest of us. He may have to empty himself via tubes, BUT will he be a "normal" growing kid that plays and runs and laughs and loves? Yes! We just need to get him to the point where he is no longer getting infections and is able to relieve himself without pain. The rest of the world won't know that he has "bottom" issues...just regular issues like the rest of us. Well, maybe "regular" is the wrong choice of word....And if you ask him in a few years "How is it going?" you may get a strange answer, but other than that I think he's going to be okay.
Please continue to pray for my little Judah. We still have a long road ahead with surgeries and doctor visits and pain, but eventually everything will get figured out and he'll be golden.
Thanks.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Surgery is Scheduled
"It's fixed" they said. "If anything he might need another minor surgery." "An imperforated anus? Oh, that's not too bad." (Comments made PRIOR to bringing Judah home.)
New comments: "We just have to take it slow." "You'll become friends with the staff at Children's [hospital]." "This is worse than we thought." "It's not hopeless..." "Well, we didn't expect that."
Psalm 46-47 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear."
We have spent much time with the staff a Children's Hospital in Columbus these past 2 weeks. We are all trying to put together the puzzling past and anatomy of our Judah. Every test reveals something new and, shall I say, not so encouraging.
Last Thursday Judah had to endure a Barium Enema which showed us that his colon is all there, not twisted, and working properly (Yay!), BUT we also learned that he doesn't have a tailbone, or sacrum. At today's appointment (where 3 doctors/surgeons were present) we learned that "no sacrum" means "no sacral nerves or underdeveloped nerves", which means (pardon this) Judah has nothing telling him that he needs to go or NOT go, so he just "goes" all of the time, hence the 8-14 dirty diapers we are changing a day.
Unfortunately, the same seems to be the case for peeing..he just goes without trying. It just happens. We have more testing and a follow-up with the urinary department next week.
BUT (pun intended) for now we are learning about the absence of those sacral nerves. The surgeons are not sure that the nerves are ever going to be responsive. This means that if they redo the imperforated anus surgery (original plan) it could only mean that we go from 10 dirty diapers a day to maybe 8 dirty diapers a day. Without those nerves to help develop the necessary muscles the "holding it in" doesn't occur.
So what do we do, you ask (I asked too!)? Right now the main doctor wants to bring the tip of Judah's appendix to the surface and create a tube of sort. Then every morning we would put a saline solution into his appendix to clear out his colon which would help him stay "clean" for about 8 hours. This will help him get through a day at school someday without accidents. (You read that correctly-a day at school. Please note that Judah is only 2 and a day at school is a few years away.) This is our solution?! Down the road they said that he might be able to have some electrolysis work on the sacral nerves and perhaps we can get those working, but right now the cases are still being done on this new practice and Judah is too young.
His appendix plug surgery is scheduled for late October.
This is a bit more complex than we had originally thought we were getting ourselves into when we yelled "Yes!" to a child with this "special" special need. I am reminded of a day in China when Judah had gotten sick and I was on my 10 or 11th diaper change and clearly losing my mind in the sea of poo, when Jason grabbed Judah up, gave him a hug and said "Little guy you were meant to be my son and we're going to get through this together." Those words still ring true.
This time when my little man goes into surgery he'll have a momma and daddy to sit right there beside him, holding his hand and loving him no matter what happens, or what he/we will have to endure. He is meant to be ours and for some reason God thinks we are able to withstand this trial. I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful that in the scheme of illnesses that Judah's is not cancer, not a terminal illness, not something worse! I feel honored that the Lord has called me to help this child. I know that with friends, family, prayers, helpers, doctors, nurses, and most of all our Father in heaven, it will all be okay. Maybe when we get heaven God will pull Jason and I aside and we'll watch all of this unfold and the Lord will say "See what I did there? You needed to grow in faith and that little one needed ... you."
I know it'll be okay. We won't be shaken.
"We're going to get through this...together."
New comments: "We just have to take it slow." "You'll become friends with the staff at Children's [hospital]." "This is worse than we thought." "It's not hopeless..." "Well, we didn't expect that."
Psalm 46-47 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear."
We have spent much time with the staff a Children's Hospital in Columbus these past 2 weeks. We are all trying to put together the puzzling past and anatomy of our Judah. Every test reveals something new and, shall I say, not so encouraging.
Last Thursday Judah had to endure a Barium Enema which showed us that his colon is all there, not twisted, and working properly (Yay!), BUT we also learned that he doesn't have a tailbone, or sacrum. At today's appointment (where 3 doctors/surgeons were present) we learned that "no sacrum" means "no sacral nerves or underdeveloped nerves", which means (pardon this) Judah has nothing telling him that he needs to go or NOT go, so he just "goes" all of the time, hence the 8-14 dirty diapers we are changing a day.
Unfortunately, the same seems to be the case for peeing..he just goes without trying. It just happens. We have more testing and a follow-up with the urinary department next week.
BUT (pun intended) for now we are learning about the absence of those sacral nerves. The surgeons are not sure that the nerves are ever going to be responsive. This means that if they redo the imperforated anus surgery (original plan) it could only mean that we go from 10 dirty diapers a day to maybe 8 dirty diapers a day. Without those nerves to help develop the necessary muscles the "holding it in" doesn't occur.
So what do we do, you ask (I asked too!)? Right now the main doctor wants to bring the tip of Judah's appendix to the surface and create a tube of sort. Then every morning we would put a saline solution into his appendix to clear out his colon which would help him stay "clean" for about 8 hours. This will help him get through a day at school someday without accidents. (You read that correctly-a day at school. Please note that Judah is only 2 and a day at school is a few years away.) This is our solution?! Down the road they said that he might be able to have some electrolysis work on the sacral nerves and perhaps we can get those working, but right now the cases are still being done on this new practice and Judah is too young.
His appendix plug surgery is scheduled for late October.
This is a bit more complex than we had originally thought we were getting ourselves into when we yelled "Yes!" to a child with this "special" special need. I am reminded of a day in China when Judah had gotten sick and I was on my 10 or 11th diaper change and clearly losing my mind in the sea of poo, when Jason grabbed Judah up, gave him a hug and said "Little guy you were meant to be my son and we're going to get through this together." Those words still ring true.
This time when my little man goes into surgery he'll have a momma and daddy to sit right there beside him, holding his hand and loving him no matter what happens, or what he/we will have to endure. He is meant to be ours and for some reason God thinks we are able to withstand this trial. I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful that in the scheme of illnesses that Judah's is not cancer, not a terminal illness, not something worse! I feel honored that the Lord has called me to help this child. I know that with friends, family, prayers, helpers, doctors, nurses, and most of all our Father in heaven, it will all be okay. Maybe when we get heaven God will pull Jason and I aside and we'll watch all of this unfold and the Lord will say "See what I did there? You needed to grow in faith and that little one needed ... you."
I know it'll be okay. We won't be shaken.
"We're going to get through this...together."
Monday, August 26, 2013
Feeling Full
I have never been happier to see my husband than at 4:30 today when he finally got home. It felt like he had been gone for 15 hours. He hadn't. It just felt that way. My two youngest fought all day long. If Jake had a toy, Judah wanted it (repeat for next approx. 15 hours). It doesn't help that Judah is not feeling particularly well either. He's on medicine for an infection in a not so lovely area of his body AND he's on a laxative because of his oh so lovely issues. Makes for a nice diaper changing day for yours truly. So we've got fighting, whining, pooping, yelling, (1 hour restful nap for little ones) then more crying, yelling, taking toys, etc.
When Jason got home I was already sporting my tennis shoes, had a water and was sprinting for the basement. I couldn't wait to get on my bike and just ride the stress away. As I rode I thought back on my day. A certain moment kept appearing and made me tear up a bit. At lunch time I gave eat boy their plate of food (with each "like" and balance of items). Judah finished first. He always finishes first. Being institutionalized does that to a child. My child learned to eat quickly or his food would be taken by another child or worse, knowing the lack of food. Judah usually eats his food first quickly then scans Jake and Jadon's plates to see what is left behind. Because Judah has GI issues we have to be careful on what and how much of something he eats. If I let him, he would eat an entire pack of hotdogs at one sitting. It's outrageous how much he is willing to consume to fill that little hungry belly. It is important that I leave food out all day so that he knows that there is something always available if he gets hungry or afraid that there will not be food.
Our kitchen is an amazing place for this little two year old. It's almost too much for his little mind to comprehend. I have to deliberately try to keep him out of the overwhelming food supply. He's probably never seen anything like it. We were warned beforehand that an American kitchen could overwhelm him.
Back to lunch... Judah was done. Jakey was done. Jadon ate half of the food on his plate and decided that he, too, was finished. Judah had already had plenty of meat from his lunch (meat, minus chicken, is his most favorite thing to eat), but Jadon had some of his ham and cheese on wheat left on his plate. Not thinking, I just picked up the plate and took it to the kitchen counter ensuing a massive heart/belly ache breakdown from my youngest. The fact that there was still food on that plate and that he could not have was heartbreaking to him.
It's hard to see hunger in the eyes of a child, let alone your own child. I'm not saying he was hungry just then. I knew he wasn't because he had just eaten more than me, but I could see a place in him that had been hungry and was weeping for food. This made me so sad. Did I give him the rest of the sandwich? I didn't. I opted for a bowl of baby goldfish crackers instead because I knew that was better for his digestive issues. He was consoled by the goldfish, but I still grieved for my hungry child and his past. I am so very thankful that I can give him food and that we have an "endless" supply for him (not to mention that goldfish crackers are okay for him to eat so he eats them all day and I have stock in those tiny things.)
I will never truly know what my child went through for the first two years of his life, but I know that from now on I'm his momma and I will do everything I can to provide every need for him from this day on. I love the little guy. He's my son. So, here's to goldfish crackers and a full belly.
Say a prayer tonight for those little ones that have to go hungry and for the mommas that don't have bread to give their hungry child. My heart breaks for those in our world with so little. At least there is one less hungry little one tonight. Time for us all to do our part. Here's to full hearts as well as little bellies.
When Jason got home I was already sporting my tennis shoes, had a water and was sprinting for the basement. I couldn't wait to get on my bike and just ride the stress away. As I rode I thought back on my day. A certain moment kept appearing and made me tear up a bit. At lunch time I gave eat boy their plate of food (with each "like" and balance of items). Judah finished first. He always finishes first. Being institutionalized does that to a child. My child learned to eat quickly or his food would be taken by another child or worse, knowing the lack of food. Judah usually eats his food first quickly then scans Jake and Jadon's plates to see what is left behind. Because Judah has GI issues we have to be careful on what and how much of something he eats. If I let him, he would eat an entire pack of hotdogs at one sitting. It's outrageous how much he is willing to consume to fill that little hungry belly. It is important that I leave food out all day so that he knows that there is something always available if he gets hungry or afraid that there will not be food.
Our kitchen is an amazing place for this little two year old. It's almost too much for his little mind to comprehend. I have to deliberately try to keep him out of the overwhelming food supply. He's probably never seen anything like it. We were warned beforehand that an American kitchen could overwhelm him.
Back to lunch... Judah was done. Jakey was done. Jadon ate half of the food on his plate and decided that he, too, was finished. Judah had already had plenty of meat from his lunch (meat, minus chicken, is his most favorite thing to eat), but Jadon had some of his ham and cheese on wheat left on his plate. Not thinking, I just picked up the plate and took it to the kitchen counter ensuing a massive heart/belly ache breakdown from my youngest. The fact that there was still food on that plate and that he could not have was heartbreaking to him.
It's hard to see hunger in the eyes of a child, let alone your own child. I'm not saying he was hungry just then. I knew he wasn't because he had just eaten more than me, but I could see a place in him that had been hungry and was weeping for food. This made me so sad. Did I give him the rest of the sandwich? I didn't. I opted for a bowl of baby goldfish crackers instead because I knew that was better for his digestive issues. He was consoled by the goldfish, but I still grieved for my hungry child and his past. I am so very thankful that I can give him food and that we have an "endless" supply for him (not to mention that goldfish crackers are okay for him to eat so he eats them all day and I have stock in those tiny things.)
I will never truly know what my child went through for the first two years of his life, but I know that from now on I'm his momma and I will do everything I can to provide every need for him from this day on. I love the little guy. He's my son. So, here's to goldfish crackers and a full belly.
Say a prayer tonight for those little ones that have to go hungry and for the mommas that don't have bread to give their hungry child. My heart breaks for those in our world with so little. At least there is one less hungry little one tonight. Time for us all to do our part. Here's to full hearts as well as little bellies.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Rain
Moments ago I was sitting at my wooden kitchen table listening to some soft piano music and watching the rain come down outside on my deck. I am in a solemn mood. And began to pray. I prayed the "disciples" prayer and following that I ask the Lord to please guide me as a mother of an adopted child.
The adjustment has been difficult. So much more so than I had anticipated.
First, the medical condition is worse than we had expected. Second, our little Judah spends some time every day crying, grieving, and screaming. Oh the screaming. It makes me sad and angry all at the same time. Isn't that awful for me to utter? I hate that it makes me angry. I didn't grow up with a lot of noise. My family doesn't try to talk over one another. I don't like the TV to be too loud. Often my husband asks if the radio is even on because I listen to it so softly (unless I'm dancing in my car then it's up really loud-well, for me.) I have a hard time having a conversation with someone while aTV is on, children are banging on something and the dogs are barking. Sends my nerves on edge! So when Judah screams it makes me scream (on the inside) and I have a hard time calming both of us down. Also, I don't handle stress well. At one time I actually wrote on my resume "Works well under stress." That's before I knew what "real" stress was. It's not on my resume any more.
Judah has been napping and sleeping at night, though he often wakes the rest of us up with his grievous cries. His eyes remain closed and we stay close in case he needs us. He is truly very pleasant. He loves to play cars. He likes to sit in our Little Tykes black truck or on the bicycle. He is starting to say more words. Currently he thinks all "dogs" are actually all "mylos" because that is our dog's name. He'll learn.
I'll learn.
I'm learning everyday what patience means. You'd think by now with another 4 and 2 year old that I could get a better grasp on "patience".
Patience. My prayer continues as I cry out to God to help me be more loving, joyous, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful and to have more self control. I know that in time our family of 5 will be okay. Right now I really am just trying to take it one moment at a time. I know that God is faithful. I know that he loves THIS adopted child of His so very much and for so many years He has put up with my learning, my screaming, my fill in the blank.
I thanked God for our church family and how amazingly encouraging and generous they have been. We came home to boxes upon boxes of Pampers diapers (since Judah is allergic to other brands), but not only diapers, but also clothes, wipes, creams, hugs, tears, and gift cards to help us with food while we adjust to being home again. I am so grateful. God is so faithful.
I concluded my prayer by saying "amen" and wiping away my tears then I looked outside and noticed the sun.
It had stopped raining.
The adjustment has been difficult. So much more so than I had anticipated.
First, the medical condition is worse than we had expected. Second, our little Judah spends some time every day crying, grieving, and screaming. Oh the screaming. It makes me sad and angry all at the same time. Isn't that awful for me to utter? I hate that it makes me angry. I didn't grow up with a lot of noise. My family doesn't try to talk over one another. I don't like the TV to be too loud. Often my husband asks if the radio is even on because I listen to it so softly (unless I'm dancing in my car then it's up really loud-well, for me.) I have a hard time having a conversation with someone while aTV is on, children are banging on something and the dogs are barking. Sends my nerves on edge! So when Judah screams it makes me scream (on the inside) and I have a hard time calming both of us down. Also, I don't handle stress well. At one time I actually wrote on my resume "Works well under stress." That's before I knew what "real" stress was. It's not on my resume any more.
Judah has been napping and sleeping at night, though he often wakes the rest of us up with his grievous cries. His eyes remain closed and we stay close in case he needs us. He is truly very pleasant. He loves to play cars. He likes to sit in our Little Tykes black truck or on the bicycle. He is starting to say more words. Currently he thinks all "dogs" are actually all "mylos" because that is our dog's name. He'll learn.
I'll learn.
I'm learning everyday what patience means. You'd think by now with another 4 and 2 year old that I could get a better grasp on "patience".
Patience. My prayer continues as I cry out to God to help me be more loving, joyous, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful and to have more self control. I know that in time our family of 5 will be okay. Right now I really am just trying to take it one moment at a time. I know that God is faithful. I know that he loves THIS adopted child of His so very much and for so many years He has put up with my learning, my screaming, my fill in the blank.
I thanked God for our church family and how amazingly encouraging and generous they have been. We came home to boxes upon boxes of Pampers diapers (since Judah is allergic to other brands), but not only diapers, but also clothes, wipes, creams, hugs, tears, and gift cards to help us with food while we adjust to being home again. I am so grateful. God is so faithful.
I concluded my prayer by saying "amen" and wiping away my tears then I looked outside and noticed the sun.
It had stopped raining.
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